The Manhattan Times

When a kid goes to college, parents get some breathing room

by Daniel P. Bader

When a child goes off to college, there is an inevitable sense of loss. The empty seat at the dinner table. The silence once occupied by fingers tapping out text messages or cell phone ring tones.

But then again, there’s an empty bedroom.

In Manhattan where space is at a premium, it means a little breathing room for the family left behind.

“When the first one left I didn’t do much,” said Jenny Alexander, a mother of five. She and her husband, Mark, own a three-bedroom apartment on Cabrini Boulevard and a studio down the hall to house their large family.

“I’ve had three of them [go to college] this is the fourth,” Jenny said.

When they were all in the house, the two girls, Jenny, 25 and Natalie, 22, both shared the studio. The boys – Gregory, 21, Nicholas, 18 and Daniel, 9 – were divided between the two bedrooms in the main apartment. As the kids left for college, that arrangement was shuffled around. Now that Nicholas has headed off to Hobart and William Smith Colleges in Geneva, NY, the Alexanders have some room to play with.

“We have a spare room we’re going to make into a study/guest room,” Jenny said. Once the kids are really out, and off on their own, that room will become a formal dining room.

Even though this is the fourth kid to leave, it hasn’t gotten any easier for Jenny.

“I miss him … all the things he used to do, it’s hard,” Jenny said. But Daniel will probably miss him the most, she added.

“It hasn’t hit him yet. He’s missing his brother because [Nicholas] was the one who was here a lot.”

Elizabeth and Barry Ritter are also planning on turning their daughter’s room into a den now that Tina, 18, is settled in at Binghamton University.

“We’ll probably put a futon in her room so it’s still a room,” Elizabeth said.

The family lives in a three-bedroom apartment in Castle Village on Cabrini Boulevard, and has played “musical spaces” with their apartment as the kids grew up. Creative internal design and construction has changed the apartment so each kid has a room and Elizabeth, who works from home, has an office.

“Tina’s room is small,” Elizabeth said. In fact, her dorm room, even though she’s sharing it, might actually give her more space than she had at home.

Tina has accepted that her room will be used for other things now, as long as there’s a place for her to sleep.

“She’s okay with it,” Elizabeth said. “She wants to make sure she has a room to come back to.”

When Adrianna Brown, 21, the daughter of Elizabeth Brown Covington, 51, and her husband Warren Allen, 48, moved out to go to Monroe College, the couple decided to take in a foster child.

“Our children are big and we wanted to give back,” said Covington.

The pair never thought about changing the room into an entertainment space or a computer room.

Except for a recent break, the couple has opened the door to their large four-bedroom apartment on Broadway and W. 149^th Street to children in need since becoming foster parents in 2004.

The two are disabled. Covington has had serious spine problems since a 1987 car accident, and Allen is diabetic with severe carpal tunnel. The stipend the two receive – between $20 and $60 per day, per child – for caring for the homeless children helps supplement their Social Security Disability payments.

“It’s how we pull it together,” Covington said.

The goal of foster care, she explained, is to house a child until they can be reunited with their family. Covington and Allen have had many kids come through their door, which is hard because they get attached and then the kids leave.

But it was through foster care that the couple adopted a son, Assad Allen who is now four. Assad came to the Covington-Allen family when he was just three weeks old. His mother suffers from schizophrenia and his father from substance abuse. Both had their parental rights taken away.

“[Assad] doesn’t know anyone but us,” Covington said.

The pair has switched placement agencies and are now foster parents for Episcopal Social Services.

From the services she would like to see a little girl fill Adrianna’s room, one who may be a little sister to Assad someday. And Adrianna doesn’t mind someone taking her room, Covington said.

“Even when she was here she didn’t mind sharing,” said Covington.

The Manhattan Times is the bilingual newspaper of Washington Heights and Inwood.