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Growing up in a divorced parent-household was a challenge.
Growing up with a zero-presence father made things slightly more difficult.
Family for me consisted of a two-person household, uniquely: my mother, and later my grandmother who moved in with us to help raise me.
Today, I continue to enjoy their presence, their care, and never-ending protection. I still get to feast on my grandma’s cooking and receive the tough love they’ve showered me since I can remember. I call it tough love because my mother was stern and strict, a no-nonsense Latina mom, a hard worker and a proud provider. My grandmother only sterner, who made sure that her old school ways were the only way, and whenever I attempted to step out of line, there was a reminder of what was expected of me: Respect your elders, go to school, get educated, and succeed.
But in the back of my mind was always a pressing question: Where is my father?
A question I’ve thrown in the back of my brain filing cabinet for years, and came back to haunt me this week when I made my way over to the Columbia University Medical Center Alumni Auditorium in Washington Heights.
It was Dominican night in El Alto on Thursday, Aug 18th, for the world premiere of ‘La Hija Natural’ [The Love Child], a film by Dominican filmmaker Leticia Tonos that tells the story of 18 year-old Maria. As I watched, Maria, the main character played by Julietta Rodriguez uttered a powerful line: “My mother was my only family”.
With that I saw my own reflection on the screen.
Maria, a young girl growing up in rural Dominican Republic, embarks on a journey to find her father after her mother dies in a car accident. For 18 years, Maria has known very little of the man but she’s determined to find him.
On her path, Maria tackles obstacles, confusions, and even deceptions in her quest with courage. It’s a story of identity, of learning and understanding where you come from, and embracing your roots.
“This film is about identity. And that’s key for the immigrant community, and in particular those that are first and second immigrant generations,” said film director Leticia Tonos, adding that growing up in fatherless households is not only a reality relatable to the Dominican community, but Latinos everywhere. “The message of forgiveness and reconciling is really important for our people.”
In El Alto, teen pregnancy rates are high and single-parent households carried on the backs of young mothers sometimes appear to be the norm. Sometimes it’s the ‘immigrant factor,’ a family torn and separated by miles of ocean because they all can’t be here or there.
For Maria, the turning point in the film comes when she is able to forgive, understand and reconcile with her father, an old man that lives haunted by the spirit of his deceased wife, and the memory of having had a few ‘hijos naturales’ that he knows nothing of, a thought that never lets him be at peace.
I’m no love child, but knowing where I come from means a personal struggle that tackles the issues of an estranged father and the journey towards forgiving his abandonment.
And here in El Alto, for many of us, it’s a journey in which we need to accept that growing up in single parent households is a challenge that we must tackle.
Fathers, be there at all costs and in every way possible. Mothers, keep your child’s image of their father intact. When ready, the sons and daughters, love children or not, will embark on their own journey to reconcile and understand where they came from.
I might just be about ready.
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