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Sometimes what we’re looking for is in plain view. Perhaps in El Alto, we just need to give it a chance. PHOTO: Rubén Henríquez
Single? Recently separated? Broken up with, divorced, dumped? For the single ladies of El Alto, who keep telling me navigating the dating scene in the nabe is a challenge, and say sometimes it can be interesting, and at times a tiring struggle.
While this problem is not exclusive to women, it’s the only angle I can speak from. And in this case dear Northern Manhattan gents, the complaint list tallies high.
I was willing to pay half, but he didn’t even offer.
He doesn’t open the door for me.
He hasn’t called; it’s been two days.
It’s been two years, he never compliments me anymore.
Yes, I know what some of you are thinking, "We are independent; it’s a new age! We don’t need men! I can open my own door." But the ladies tell me a certain element of chivalry has gone out the window.
Date requests have turned into Facebook friend requests, and phone numbers have been replaced by email addresses, as we insist on finding out about our potential partners from their digital lives and profiles rather than from face-to-face interaction.
Have the sexes lost faith in each other? Have we become so consumed with ourselves that we can’t pay attention to others, and much less dare to engage in an even exchange of romance?
It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be an informal conversation exchange accompanied by a drink or a cup of coffee if the idea of sitting down for dinner appears daunting to start.
But it seems that many, in the face of low prospects, have given up on the local scene.
Some of us cope differently.
We stay single, focus on one kind of man versus another (different ethnicity, for example). Others adjust; using a technique my grandma continues to preach: “El secreto es que ellos piensen que están a cargo, pero tu eres la que manda [The secret is that they think they’re in charge, but you make the final call].”
In El Alto where the social sphere stretches across Broadway and appears to concentrate in bars and restaurants, I ask that women step up their game and stop settling. I ask that we become stronger against the less than ideal advances, and don’t crumble under constant charm.
Expanding the options is key. Give the neighborhood a little more credit; there are people out there who can be interesting.
I say look closer. Sometimes what we’re looking for is in plain view. To the men I ask that you understand, that yes we are liberated, independent, and self-sustained. We are educated, attractive, and confident. We are professionals, have goals and careers, families, and passions. So are you, and we still want to be swept off our feet.
I promise, we’ll return the favor.
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