The Manhattan Times

Moms working outside the home

I always thought I would return to work after my maternity leave. Why wouldn’t I? It was a no brainer. (I also thought I could “throw” the kid in a backpack and hike the Himalayas….not so much!)

After a fearful start to motherhood – which included lactation issues, heightened anxiety and sleeplessness (duh) – three months came around and I was gearing up to return to work and lo-and-behold, I was beginning to feel more comfortable in this foreign role as mom. While trying to wrap my head around leaving my baby for a full-time job that I didn't love, I was given the opportunity not to return to work and that became the “no brainer.” This isn’t always possible.

Moms return to work in all sorts of ways; full time, part time, staying at home, job sharing, etc. As I often tell the women in my new moms groups, “No camp is perfect.” There are often challenges and joys to whatever we end up doing.

For example, if you are at work all day, when you come home you might have a greater ability to be in that moment with your baby than had you stayed home all day. Trying to get anything else done at home with a baby in tow can actually keep you out of all those “baby moments.”

Some moms keep up with daytime baby details using the videophone computer program Skype, a communications log and phone call updates. My friend, who returned to work after her three-plus months off, told her babysitter: “Please don’t tell me when my baby does something new. I want to discover it for myself.”

After a year back at work, she quit her job and stayed home full time (subsequently she had a second baby and gave birth to a new career).

There is a lot of “new” that comes out of being a new mom, of course I haven’t even brought up work, career, identity and identity integration. I also have not mentioned the logistics, including at work pumping and introducing bottles for breast feeding moms.  Often thinking outside of the box can be helpful, like flexible hours and schedules, job sharing and babysitter-shares, sometimes it makes sense for dad or your partner to stay at home.

How this all unfolds cannot be predicted, only experienced.

When deciding to return to work, childcare is one of the main issues. I will say that once this is in place (and hopefully somewhat in advance of your first day) the focus then can turn back to just enjoying your baby, processing your torn feelings of sadness about leaving or perhaps guilt about feeling excited about returning to your work environment. Whatever you decide to do, whatever you have to do, you’ll make it work out. It might not be what you originally had in mind, but it might be what evolves as you are paying attention to the needs of your family and yourself. Oh, and by the way – it actually is not a no-brainer.

Resources:

New York Times Article,Expecting a Baby, but Not the Stereotypes

Nursing Mother Working Mother by Gale Pryor.

Next NOMA Family 411 will look at childcare, choosing and resources.

Jessica Shapley, LMSW
Momsupport.org
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